Dear Beloveds,
This is a letter I wrote today to my dear brother and I can see that it is a letter for myself. How precious.
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You are in my thoughts and I’m feeling much love and gratitude writing this to you. I pray that I will be guided in this email by Love. So much love and so many miracles.
I’m seeing that all the lessons are for me - how mysterious that there is no one outside - no other. So in wonder, who am I speaking to when I write this email? Love speaking to love - that’s all it can be, just one celebrating somehow through sounds, and pictures and thoughts and, well, whatever is arising in this infinite Love. Unknowing. After all the seeming knowing, and thinking ‘I know something’, nothing is knowable. This is a whole new way (seemingly) of being. It is only what has always been, and an idea arising on occasion that it isn’t. That is really mysterious. It seemed so real and necessary to know something, when that is the path to the experience of death.
David Hoffmeister talks a lot about being clueless- how this is happiness. Oh how much happiness. That couldn’t be conceived here, where there was much value in what "Cay" knew/knows. I now see that was the Jihad against God! How utterly exhausting, yet somehow through the seeming mystery of desire that’s how it looked and felt - that knowing something had value, without changing anything.
Yet with the idea of knowing something, the feeling of objective experience arises and with that a desperation not to feel like an object, yet searching in form for objects/experiences not to feel like an object or limited, like asking God for the impossible - I WANT to feel limitation, be limited, be less than I am. A big war with God, a big war with -"ourselves" - ourSelf - as God, through the seeming creation of "other". a vicious cycle of impossibility. God sitting on God’s lap saying, I am not God. Knowing that death is impossible yet wanting to have an experience of death in a Body. No! I am NOT Love! When everything is God. God is all there is.
Mooji said this week, "When consciousness wants to suffer it becomes a person."
The war against the Self - the One, the insistence that there are two/many, that shows up in the manifest world in a diversity of ways because of the power of the Infinite mind to pretend it is not what it is through dreaming. How much energy must be invested for God to deny what He is? To even dream is investment- energy, with the constant signal of pain and suffering as the alarm clock - like the siren on the Enterprise - all alert, but not to fight the enemy - the sirens are to look, look, look — see what is true.
Suffering is the signal of grace that something is not working. Yet in the dreaming the enterprise starts firing phasers automatically at some "other" enemy rather than answering the question, "Who am I? Is there truly an 'other" to be fired upon?" All the while even the dreaming points back to God. Nothing arises outside of God.
Every experience is desired experience - whatever is arising. Yet all desire is the desire to know God, true nature. Another mystery - what is total and complete getting discombobulated and confused and thus looking for itself in form, where what is looked for can never be found.
Somehow with awakening that energy of desire starts bubbling/boiling out of the subconscious mind- not to be denied or hidden or judged. Just given full space to move up and out without identification what is arising. To be seen in the light of truth - totality - Infinite love- to see that it all arises in infinite love, and Infinite love is untouched by all of it. This is the true meaning of forgiveness.
Whatever is boiling out - or appears can never prove there is a ‘person’. And somehow there seems to be a reorganization expressed in form. The body relaxes and finds it’s natural state without the constrictions of personal identity. It can be so easy to forget that this movement up and out is grace, because a personal identity - constructed (false fabrication) to preserve it’s non-exsistance - is the very one that will complain and whinge as the dissolution - the out picturing of objectivity - fades away like the witch of the West in Wizard of Oz when Dorothy threw water on her. “I’m melting, I’m melting” and amen to that.
This is a beautiful resource shared by Mooji
How much gratitude to share this journey with you. How much love.
Love and gratitude always,
Cay
