After the second or third class at Oakhill Correctional Institution I had gotten past my initial misconceptions about how scary it would be to work with men in prison. I was enjoying getting to know the men- they were creative and dedicated to learning new things. Cranky at times, yes, there were challenges because they weren’t happy about being in prison. Now I know how much this sounds like the concept of my “separate self”. Cranky. All those blocks to the true self can only result in what looks like cranky is fear – a call for love. I can just feel rejoicing over this!! How free the mind is that recognizes this and see past cranky to the call for love!
T-14.X.7. The only judgment involved is the Holy Spirit’s one division into two categories; one of love, and the other the call for love. 2 You cannot safely make this division, for you are much too confused either to recognize love, or to believe that everything else is nothing but a call for love.
I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs how I was thinking every time I was walking out of that physical prison how lucky I was to be free… that is funny. I was still carrying around a lot of beliefs of judgment of myself and others. I don’t know anything, thankfully the Spirit keeps showing me. Every time I went into that prison I loved it. I was so happy and in joy and learning. It was an introduction to the happy learner. No wonder I was happy, I was leading with light all the time. Or I should say I was letting light lead and practicing see no error. What joy. It is indescribable, and only gets better each moment I know less.
At the start of the second or third eight week class I walked up to the chalk board and drew a big heart with little feet and turned around to the guys sitting in a circle facing me. I pointed to the board and back at them. “This is you”. You are big hearts with little feet. And you have so many of layers of protection from fear you can’t feel love coming in or going out. I hadn’t started the Course yet, I had NO idea how true that was for what God had made, yet! I didn’t realize this was a direct communication from the Holy Spirit to me to tell me of all the blocks I had to recognizing love! I thought I was teaching this to “them”. Yes, sense of separate self, “Cay”, I mean “you”, too, have all those layers protecting YOU from feeling love.
It would get very quiet in the room after I’d come out with something like that. I was shocked the first time it happened. Spirit can be really outrageous or at least it feels that way sometimes. I’m glad I listened, even when I didn’t know I was listening. I would draw that diagram surrounded by what I “thought” were tough, skeptical and often angry men. All the “labels” that love never knows: lifers, drug dealers, robbers. All the reflections in my mind of who I thought I was and I judged them to be. Spirit is blissfully oblivious to all of that. Yea! These labels (concepts in ACIM) fade through the miracle of forgiveness. It is the only way to find lasting peace and joy.
Many of the guys have shared journal entries that they wrote after they went home on the first day. “The teacher was interesting but a bit nuts.” Come to think about it, sometimes I feel that way about what the Holy Spirit is telling me. “We don’t trust her” was often the conclusion/confession. And I’ve said that about Jesus, so I understand. I wondered if I would get tossed right out of the class the first time I said it.
Spirit, however, had different ideas for all of us. At the end of the 8 week class the guys handed me an envelope. I opened it to find a hand drawn and colored card with a big heart with little feet. In the card was the message, “To a kind hearted woman from your big hearted men”, signed by every member of the class. I cried and still do when I think of what truth brings out in all of us. Love just cuts through it all. It’s irresistible. Point to light, point to light, point only to light. See only light and so it shall be seen.
T-22.VI.5. Before a holy relationship there is no sin. 2 The form of error is no longer seen, and reason, joined with love, looks quietly on all confusion, observing merely, “This was a mistake.” 3 And then the same Atonement you accepted in your relationship corrects the error, and lays a part of Heaven in its place. 4 How blessed are you who let this gift be given! 5 Each part of Heaven that you bring is given you. 6 And every empty place in Heaven that you fill again with the eternal light you bring, shines now on you. 7 The means of sinlessness can know no fear because they carry only love with them.
With love and gratitude,
Cay
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